The Tale of Two Preemies: The Talk

Monday, July 16, 2012

The Talk

I finally had to have the "talk" with Cole. No, not that one, the one about dementia, and my mom. It did not go well. I knew the time was coming, but I was honestly hoping he'd ask something and open the door for me. It didn't go that way. The boys ask all the time when we are going to Grammy and Papa's. This summer has been jam packed (as my next few posts will show) and I don't think we'll make it this summer at all, except for me. I'm planning to head out soon to look at nursing homes as that seems to be our next major step in this journey. It's obviously a hard thing to do and especially hard to explain to a 6 year old. So when I told the boys I was going to go, but not bringing them, the natural question was why. I figured it was time for the talk.

I asked Cole if he noticed anything funny about Grammy. Nope. I asked if he notices how she forgets things. Nope. Finally I just told him there was something wrong with her brain that made her do funny things. He finally chimed in with "like when she thought it snowed." Yep. Then I had to tell him that someday her brain will be so sick that she won't be able to take care of herself and she'll have to go live somewhere else, and I lost it. It's hard to think those thoughts, much less say them out loud to your son. Of course, he's my ultra sensitive child and he got all teary eyed and went and buried himself in his legos. He did finally ask what's going to happen to her and I could honestly tell him I had no idea. He understands death a little too well for me to go down that road. I decided not to talk to Tate about it although I think he overheard a lot of it. Somedays I hate being an adult.

1 comment:

Kristi said...: You're a good mama, honey. You told the truth and told it in a way he could handle it. I admire your fortitude and can't imagine the difficulty you face ahead of you. Keep loving your kids and your mama, too. I know your mom did a good job because YOU are a reflection of her love when you talk to your kids.; 7/19/2012 8:39 PM

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Cole's Story

Cole was born at 30 weeks 3 days, much to our surprise, in 2006. I went in to the hospital because I wasn't feeling well and was afraid I'd get dehydrated. I ended up being air lifted to a larger hospital where Cole was born 24 hours later. He weighed in at 4 lbs. 2 oz. and was 17" long. He had some developmental delays, mostly due to acid reflux. He also had positional plagiocephaly and was in a remolding helmet for 6 weeks. At 14 months he underwent a cardiac catheter procedure to close his PDA. At 25 months he tripped getting out of his kiddie pool and broke his femur. He was in a cast from his hips to his toes for 4 long weeks. He also broke his shoulder at age 5 1/2. His latest medical drama has been a cyst in his left ear. He's had his adenoids removed and another surgery to remove the cyst. He'll have a second surgery in August. He's been through the ringer, but you'd never know it. He just rolls with the punches. He's 100% farm boy. He wants to know how everything works and why. He loves the farm. Farming is definitely in his blood.

Tate's Story

Tate was born at 34 weeks 2 days in 2008. Since I had a previous premature delivery, I was on high alert for another one. It didn't help. We had ultrasound after ultrasound and everything looked great. Tate, however, was not patient. I was admitted to the hospital with preterm labor. He held off for a couple of days, but was still born early. He weighed 5 and a half pounds and was 19" long. Fortunately he had no problems and was released from the hospital 3 days after he was born. He was born the middle child. He desperately wants to do what his big brother does, but has his own interests and wants Cole do to those with him. He's my trouble-maker, fit-thrower, and snuggle bug.