The Tale of Two Preemies: Mommy Wars

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Mommy Wars

I'm sure by now you've all seen the Time cover. I haven't read the article, nor do I particularly care to. I just don't see the need to argue over who is doing the best job. All 3 of my children will be breastfed until they are a year. I cloth diaper. I stay at home. Does that make me superior to other moms? Heck, that doesn't even make me a good mom. I hope that I am, but there are days when I sure don't feel like it. My husband always asks why I take such long showers. In all honesty, it's because when I'm in the shower no one (usually) needs me, touches me, or cries at me. At least, not that I can hear. When I'm in the shower I can have a think a thought all the way through. Most of my blog posts are written in the shower, but until they invent water proof computers, most of them will never actually make it to the computer.

So what makes a good mom? In my opinion, you can't parent every child the same way. There is no foolproof method to raising a child. There's no one book you can read or blog you can follow. I don't even parent my own kids the same. Sometimes I wonder how 2 boys so different can have the same parents. I know I'm not the same mom to Cole as I am to Tate. Cole was never allowed to do some of the things that Tate does, simply because he is/was not independent enough to do them. I'm sure I'll be a different parent to Shelby too. The ultimate goal of every parent is to raise a responsible child that contributes to society. So, does it really matter how they get there?

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Cole's Story

Cole was born at 30 weeks 3 days, much to our surprise, in 2006. I went in to the hospital because I wasn't feeling well and was afraid I'd get dehydrated. I ended up being air lifted to a larger hospital where Cole was born 24 hours later. He weighed in at 4 lbs. 2 oz. and was 17" long. He had some developmental delays, mostly due to acid reflux. He also had positional plagiocephaly and was in a remolding helmet for 6 weeks. At 14 months he underwent a cardiac catheter procedure to close his PDA. At 25 months he tripped getting out of his kiddie pool and broke his femur. He was in a cast from his hips to his toes for 4 long weeks. He also broke his shoulder at age 5 1/2. His latest medical drama has been a cyst in his left ear. He's had his adenoids removed and another surgery to remove the cyst. He'll have a second surgery in August. He's been through the ringer, but you'd never know it. He just rolls with the punches. He's 100% farm boy. He wants to know how everything works and why. He loves the farm. Farming is definitely in his blood.

Tate's Story

Tate was born at 34 weeks 2 days in 2008. Since I had a previous premature delivery, I was on high alert for another one. It didn't help. We had ultrasound after ultrasound and everything looked great. Tate, however, was not patient. I was admitted to the hospital with preterm labor. He held off for a couple of days, but was still born early. He weighed 5 and a half pounds and was 19" long. Fortunately he had no problems and was released from the hospital 3 days after he was born. He was born the middle child. He desperately wants to do what his big brother does, but has his own interests and wants Cole do to those with him. He's my trouble-maker, fit-thrower, and snuggle bug.